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Oct. 13th, 2009

I ate my willpower!

I haven't been posting for last few days, I was busy shutting up the skinny bitch inside me, crying to come out. I shut her up with cookies and dinners. But the fact is, she is stronger that I thought, that's why today I'm going on Master Cleanse to help her out.
I am planing to stay on this diet till Halloween at least but we will see how it's gonna turn.
For the previous day I kept walking and exercising, I made way over 40 pts. each day even tho I probably kept eating over 1000 calories.
I was also polite and dressed up and kept having over 20 glasses of water, so I believe I made over 60 each day.

ALSO: I am 2 lbs down, so I have 4 more to go to get to my goal for HSBQ!

That means I have to try double as much this week, and I'm gonna make sure I will lose 4 lbs if I stay on master cleanse!

Oct. 8th, 2009


I didn't dare to hop on my scale today so all I have left is a prayer:


"Dear Lord, if you can't make me skinny then please make my friends fat".


Busy day today. Like always. I've been looking for my last year's weight loss notebooks and I realized that I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.

I'm considering trying master cleanse after Thanksgiving so I'm doing a little research on it today.

I have bought the spice, maple syrup, citrons and some herbal laxative tea so that I don't grow a second spine from not going to toilet. We will see how's it gonna work out.


Today's Points:

Work out: 55 pts.

Dressing up: 5 pts.

Being polite: 5 pts.

Over 10 cups of water: 15 pts.

Sticking to the plan: 5 pts.

1 hour walk: 10 pts.

600-700 calories: 4 pts.


TOTAL: 99 pts.

Oct. 7th, 2009


My daily routine is really hard. Not only I have to watch what I eat and count all the calories, not only I have to walk and exercise but also cook for family, do laundry, sort garbage and recycling, iron, do dishes, vacuum, wash floors! I've been cleaning so much.. I must have 2 ugly step sisters somewhere.

Then again I have to take the best care of my baby girl. Yay! Not only I get to give birth but also change diapers!

Now I am also considering taking some on-line college courses, depending of their price that is.

What can I say, since I stay at home instead of working I want to make the best wife and mother I can possibly be. I am just too sick of lazy women who use emotional and sexual manipulation to get what they want instead of using their own brains and muscles.

But I don't wanna overdo anything either, as I know that only boring women have clean kitchens (honestly, it's impossible to catch up with the mess my husband and mother in law make PLUS the baby bottles, nipples, spoon, bowls..) and overly clean living room is a sign of broken computer (oh I'm a computer geek! I love my laptop – my friends live there!), therefor after doing what really had to be done, exercising enough to be breathless, taking Hailey for 1 hr walk and finishing my last meal, here I am, writing my today's last post to sit on the couch with a cup of peppermint leaves tea and finish reading “Insantiable” so that I can move on to one of my new books tomorrow.

Today's Points:

Work out: 40 pts.

Dressing up: 5 pts.

Being polite: 5 pts.

Over 10 cups of water: 15 pts.

Sticking to the plan: 5 pts.

1 hour walk: 10 pts.

800-900 calories: 2 pts.


TOTAL: 82 pts.

P.S. Happy 3-months-birth-day Hailey!! Mama loves you!

Oct. 6th, 2009


Today I noticed that the first thing most people lose when they start a new diet is their sense of humor. And I promise myself (for my own and my family's sake) that I won't become one of many people to cry about that extra pound of fat, as I am utterly uninterested in pathetic individuals who seek attention by whining in their online journals. And I'm tired of the walking wounded moping around expecting that the world owes them something because they are victims.

I realized today that I must be doing something wrong cos I seem to put 1 pound since yesterday. Therefor I decided to work out a lot more. And here I am sweating like a fat man in McDonald's with no money, planing to make it my daily routine. I'm still young and I'm not willing to spend this years watching typical women's magazines (which most of I find either stomach turning or pathetically laughable), staring at the pictures of photo shopped models, wishing I could look like this one day.

That day has came, because the older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.




Work out: 70 pts.

Dressing up: 5 pts.

Being polite: 5 pts.

Over 10 cups of water: 15 pts.

Sticking to the plan: 5 pts.

1 hour walk: 10 pts.

400-500 calories: 7 pts.


TOTAL: 117 pts.


Workout Plan

This is my workout plan which I am hoping will soon become my daily routine. I realize that if anybody reads it, you have no idea what kind of exercises I'm doing but I just named them in the way that makes it the most simple for me to know what it is.

Here it is:

Exercise program: Take one Weetabix. Take an Aero chocolate bar. Crumble the Aero over the Weetabix. VOILA... AEROBIX!!


Nah, just kidding :)


Warming up and calming down + streatching doesn't count for any points.


Leg straight up (24 x each) + bent front (24 x each) + bent back (24 x each) = 5 pts.

Leg double up front + back (24 x each) = 5 pts.

100 sit-ups = 5 pts.

Leg to the back straight (24 x each) = leg to the back bent (24 x each) = 5 pts.

Butt up x24 + chin up x 24 = 5 pts.

Bending to the middle 3 count x 24 + bending to the side 3 count (24 x each side) = 5 pts.

Arms on the sides (24 x each side) + arms to the front 3 count x 24 = 5 pts.

24 push ups = 5 pts.

Weights on the sides x 24 + weights to the front x 24 = 5 pts.

Weights up x 24 + weights back x 24 = 5 pts.

Weights from sides to the middle x 24 + weight all the way doen x 24 = 5 pts.

Regular weights liftng x 48 = 5 pts.


All of the above give the total of 60 points!

All I have to do is go through all of my work-out DVD's to remember more of exercises and add to it!


Oct. 5th, 2009

HSBQ Intoduction (Homework)



Inside this body there is a slim and beautiful woman screaming to get out.

That's fine, usually I can shut the bitch up with chocolate and cookies!


Name: Sequana

ID: 062401

Course: Points System (2) – 40 points a day.


About me:


Let's be honest, they way I look now, I make Free Willy look like a Tic Tac.

I don't wanna talk about my history of eating disorders and several hospitalizations. It's getting really boring after a while and I prefer to look at the bright side of life.

I also got tired of making excuses for my weight. I could just as well say that I'm not fat because I eat too much, I just haven't shit in 3 years!

I'm 24, living in Ontario, Canada. Happily married and a proud Mommy of almost-3-months-old gorgeous baby girl.

Pregnancy sure left it's signs on my body but it was totally worth it and I know one day I will go through it again. But I am not pregnant right now and I have decided to change some things. I used to jog in pregnancy of course! Each time I leftmy choccy bar in the car!

So I am losing some pounds to free that screaming bitch for a while. Because even tho I have a body of a God (well Buddah is a God, isn't he?!), I know I will look better and feel better in so much forgotten size 0.


About my course:


My goal is to lose 6 lbs during 2 weeks of course. I am not going to stay away from the course during weekends. If I reach my goal my scale will show 127 lbs. 40 points is what I must get every day but my plan is 50, if I stick to it I will get 5 extra points that day! (Sticking to the plan).

The easiest part seems to be drinking plenty of water and 1 hr walk. Also 24 reps of any exercise is not hard to do! I am getting dressed up every day and I'm always trying to be polite, so here's another 10 points! I'm loving it!

If I manage to stick to my plans during the whole course, next time I'm gonna try 80 points!


So I'm on a diet. Watch out people, if you think you know bitchy wait till three o'clock!!!


Today's results (Day 1):

Food: 450 kcal = 7 pts.

Water: 11 cups = 15 pts.

1 hr walk = 10 pts.

24 reps exercising legs = 5 pts.

24 reps exercising butt = 5 pts.

Being polite = 5 pts.

Dressing up = 5 pts.

Sticking to plan (crossed 50 pts) = 5 pts.

TOTAL: 57 pts.


I'm not fat, I'm so intelligent that my head couldn't hold anymore information and started to fill up the rest of me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!

I'm not FAT! I'm just easy to see!

I realized I have to take this weight loss really serious...

... after I discovered several moons orbiting my ass today morning!

The whole Size 0 obsession and so on..

Size 0 is a women's clothing size in the US catalog sizes system, believed to be equivalent to a UK size 4, a European size 32, Italian size 36, an Australian size 4, or a men's size 21.

Modern size 0 clothing, depending on brand and style, will fit measurements of anywhere from 30-22-32 inches (76-56-81 cm) to 33-25-35 inches (84-64-89 cm).
                                          - Wikipedia


Holy crap, looks like I got a long way to go. But that's ok, I'm in no hurry, this month I wanna lose minimum of 8 lbs (tho 13 lbs is really my goal), so I have no idea how much it will really shrink from my waist or hips but I know I won't be anywhere near size 0 just yet.

And I just realized.. the size of my waist will pretty much have to be the same as the current size of my thigh.. where the hell will my insides go?


So how much will I really be able to drop this month?

According to my calculations, I need to limit myself to 400 kcal a day to lose 2 lbs a week.

Some smart website calculated that my body burns 1400 kcal daily just to function, that doesn't include any kind of activity. And to lose 1 lbs I need to make a deficit of 3500 kcal, which means I need a deficit of 7000 kcal to drop 2 lbs a week. That would mean I need to cut 1000 calories from the 1400, which leaves me with 400 calories.

And that's if I don't work out at all. If I somehow manage to burn extra 500 kcal a day (which actually shouldn't be so hard with all the walking and house tasks I do every day), I should be losing 3 lbs weekly. At the end of the month that should give me 12 lbs, which would nearly make me reach my goal!

So by Halloween my scale should show 121 lbs. Being realistic I know it will be extremaly hard for me to limit myself to 400 kcal a day, but the deal is: if I cross the 400 calories in my intake, I just have to work out a little more and burn the excess (on the top of the 500 calories I have to burn anyway).

Now, that my goals are set and that my ultimate goal to reach is the dream size 0, I just gotta motivate myself even more by getting some amazing piece of clothing in that exact size!


Time to get my today's 40 points! I'll post them at the end of day.

Oct. 4th, 2009

"Been here before, couldn't say I liked it..

... do I start writing all this down?

Just let me plug you into my world,

can you help me be uncrazy?”

  • The Unnamed Feeling by Metallica


So where have I been?

I've been here, in the world of my own fatness, struggling to fit my ass in my last years jeans. (which weren't that small, really, after all each year I finally give up and buy bigger ones, just to be unable to wear them again the next year)..


I guess I could make whole bunch of excuses, like giving a birth to a lovely little girl less than 3 months ago and being barely able to move due to post birt complications. OR the fast that after 2 long years I finally seen my Mom and she's the best cook in the world so I had to try all the wonderful (read: filled with fat and sugar) meals that she prepared. OR that I don't need to diet anymore because I'm married and when my husband fell in love with me I was even bigger and he never mentions my weight in any way.




I can also say that I've been sitting on my ass for past 3 months not even lifting my leg to exercise. AND that I pigged out like a starved child on my Mom's meals instead of just tasting a little and put the fork away after I'm full. AND that my husband also doesn't compliment the way I look.


So something has to change and the best time for changes is not after New Year's, not next month, not next week but NOW. And I'm gonna do it.

To make it clear I am not willing to make myself sick in any way, I must be able to take care of the house and my family and myself. I have lots of goals to achieve and lots of wonderful plans for future that I'm not going to miss by making myself sick. But for now the very simple and important plan is losing weight. And I don't ex[ect it to be easy, after all if it was easy everyone could do it.


And for the record I am not doing it to impress anybody or to prove something to anyone else but myself. I am sick and tired of watching my old photos with something that people who don't know me could take as a smile, while thinking “holy shit why did I let myself ruin my body in such a horrible way?!”. I am no longer torturing myself with dreams about being thin – I am getting there!

So for the beginning, here are my stats:

*I am confused where the hips are and all that stuff so I made my own marks*

Height: 5'9 (175 cm)

Weight: 133 lbs (60 kg)

Waist: 30 in (76 cm)

Abdonmen (belly button and around): 34 in (87 cm)

Hips (place where the hip bones USED to be): 36 in (92 cm)

Butt (just in general the widest place I could find): 38.5 in (98 cm)

Thigh: 21 in (35 cm)


So.. this is all not looking good. At all. It's hard for me to mark my goal weight right now, but for sure it's gonna be at least 110 lbs. After I reach it I will see how I look and decide what's next.


So here we go. Tomorrow HSBQ program starts and I have 40 points to reach every day. I'm gonna keep the track of it here.

Now I'm gonna catch up with all the tasks around the house (laundry, dishes, vaccuing, washing floors, cleaning toilets and tubs, sorting clothes, hanging new curtains, changing bedding etc etc etc) so that I am not too busy following days, so that I don't burry myself in mess and so that my days will be easier just keeping the place clean.


I'm getting on a path to a better me!